On Being an Overcommitted Queen During Quarantine

On Saturday night, thirty-five readers gathered together for The Sovereignty Knot online book launch. Watch it here!

It was magical. And it feels like it happened last year some time.

Since then, the inner journey has been long and hard. The scenery hasn't changed since then, of course, but things look and feel different inside my mind and heart.

For the past few weeks, I've been pushing myself at just about every level. You've seen those social media posts about how it's not essential to use a pandemic to be remarkably productive? I saw them and kept going, certain that those ideas applied to everyone else but me.

My queen was on overdrive, you see. 

She saw those boxes of books in the hallway.

She thought about the storytelling course that begins April 14.

She thought about all the uncertainty in the world and how she needed to work harder to control what little she could.

Fortunately, I realized that my queen needed a time out before I totally burned out.

This week, I got back to my journal, to books I've longed to read, to being with the kids rather than managing them in between self-imposed deadlines. I cancelled any commitments I didn't have to keep.

I really didn't have a choice. My people (including my family in this house and accessible by Facetime, my friends on text, and my community of clients on Zoom) need me healthy and whole, not ragged and striving.

Getting my queen to share the burden (and the blessings) with my princess and my wise woman is a lifelong process, but I'm getting a little better at it every time I catch myself overpromising and overcommitting.

I become a little bit more Sovereign every time I say no, every time I limit the size of my realm.

During the book launch I promised a new webinar about using the archetypes of Sovereignty to tell your own stories.

Reality check: that's just too much for me right now.

Instead, I’ve called together a collection of resources that just might nurture you overcommitted soul as they have nurtured mine.

Good Read

During the book launch, I took you into the cave featured in chapter 2 of The Sovereignty Knot.

Briefly, I spoke of Mór, also known as the goddess Morrigan, and how she’s been a guide for me, particularly during these crazy time of disruption and fear. I’ve been staying close to her by reading Courtney Weber’s new book, The Morrigan: Celtic Goddess of Magick and Might. There’s nothing particularly “productive” about reading about Celtic deities right now. And that’s exactly what we need in order to get stronger and more connected to what matters - now, and in the new normal that’s waiting on the other side.

Good Listen

Goddess bless our public library systems with their extensive audiobook archives. When yet another spell of middle-of-the-night sleeplessness hits, I’ve been turning to The Magician’s Assistant by Anne Patchett. Written in 1998 and recorded back in the day when everyone listened on CD. There’s some terrible smooth jazz every hour or so and I imagine being a sophomore in college, driving between summer jobs, scratched discs all over the floor of my Ford Taurus.

An Invitation

There’s another reason I need to give my overcommitted queen a rest… there’s something big coming up in just 10 days. I am teaching Stand In Your Sovereign Story, an eight-week program designed to help creative entrepreneurs and transformation professionals tell stories that matter to them and to their marketing.

In some ways, it feels crazy to launch this right now, but it also seems like the perfect timing. If this feels like a time to focus on the stories you really need to tell and how to express them to the world, let's talk.

Initially, I conceived of this class as a way to "use the healing power of storytelling to discover your truth, share your authentic message, and build your world-changing business." Now, I see this course as existing to help us build world-renewing businesses. 

Dear Normal, I Miss You, But I’m Heading on the (S)Hero’s Journey

Last week, I offered the members of the Sovereign Writers Circle this writing prompt:

Write a Letter to “Normal”

As the world seems to change by the hour and things that were totally commonplace just a week ago seem like an impossible, distant dream, we are constantly being asked to adapt to a new normal.

Spend some time considering what “normal” is. What was normal then, what is normal now? What is this thing they call “normal” anyway?

One of our Sovereign Writers shared the most simple and true opening line:

Dear Normal, I miss you…

Amen! Isn’t that something we’re all feeling right now?

We miss “Normal,” but the greatest stories require us to leave Normal behind 

As is so often the way, you only see the real possibilities of your creation after you put it into the world and let people make it their own.

When the members of the SWC talked about various understandings of “normal,” I saw something totally new contained within that prompt of mine.

I saw the start of the Hero’s Journey.

If you’ve spent any time thinking about storytelling, you’ve probably heard about Hero’s Journey. The scholar Joseph Campbell compared ancient myths from around the world and found a common story across a host of cultures that described the individual’s process of “becoming.” This framework has been applied to everything from the creation of epic movie sagas to the development of brands and personal narratives.

As the Hollywood story consultant Christopher Vogler describes it in The Writer’s Journey, the classic Hero’s Journey begins with a Call to Adventure that causes the (s)hero to leave the everyday “normal” work and go on a great and dangerous quest.

The most well-known examples of heroes who trace this journey, of course, are Dorothy leaving Kansas for Oz and Luke leaving Tatooine to take on the Empire. Think of these iconic characters and their worlds we know so well…

“Normal” wasn’t necessarily perfect. Both of them hated their pokey old farms and longed for something more.

They didn’t make the leap just because they yearned for adventure, however. They answered that Call to Adventure only when faced with calamity. Dorothy got swept up in a tornado. Luke’s aunt and uncle were killed by storm troopers. They had no choice but to respond to a moment of great disruption.

At the conclusion of a the story, after many travails, and with the help of many allies, the protagonist returns to where the story began. They’ve changed in some fundamental way and are now armed with the elixir, the great wisdom or solution that will benefit everyone who stayed behind in the Ordinary World.

We are all at the same point in the Hero’s Journey

Before I go on, I want to mention the true heroes in this pandemic.

Hospital employees - from cleaning staff to receptionists to doctors to respiratory therapists - are saving lives and helping people transition. Volunteers are making masks at home and aid workers are delivering food and supplies to people confined without resources. Grocery store staff and delivery workers are keeping life going for all of the healthy, huddled masses. I recognize them and thank them all.

So, when I say “we” are all at the same point in the Hero’s Journey, I mean all of us who might have the time to sit down to write a letter that begins, “Dear Normal, I miss you…”

I am writing this post for those of us who are riding out Covid-19 on the couch, worrying about keeping the kids busy and keeping the business running. I am writing for those of us who haven’t been thrust out of “normal” by great calamity. (Yet.)

It’s my sincerest prayer that everyone who reads this will not encounter a life-changing, journey-defining event during this pandemic. Sadly, I think it’s inevitable that some of us will suffer great loss, but we’re not even at the middle of this crisis yet, and we just don’t know.

No matter what happens in the weeks to come, we are all at that point of beginning a great new adventure because we’re never going to be able to go back to life as it was.

We’ll never look at a supermarket aisle full of toilet paper or a full bottle of hand sanitizer in the same way.

When we’re back on Main Street again and the world is again open for business, we will undoubtedly see empty storefronts because beloved small businesses and restaurants will not be able to come back from.

People we love up close or admire from afar will die. We’ll all understand that life, society, and the economy are much more fragile than we imagined.

The Journey Ahead Will Be Terrible and Beautiful

Like Dorothy and Luke, we don’t have choice about leaving Normal behind.

If you want to be the shero of your own life - to stand Sovereign in your own life - you need to accept this call to step out of the reality that was and into the strange new world. (Metaphorically, of course. We’re not stepping anywhere except on a socially distanced walk in the sunshine.)

The way ahead is full of risk and loss and there’s no guarantee that New Normal will be as comfortable as the old one. It certainly won’t be as innocent.

But that’s how stories work. That’s how life works.

We are living the story right now. None of us knows quite what will happen next. Soon, we will begin to tell the story of how we survived - and even thrived - in 2020.

Can I help you tell your story as we all set out on this Hero’s Journey together?

The next round of Stand In Your Sovereign Story begins on September 30, and I would love to have you with us.

The Tension Between Keeping It Light and Keeping it REAL

I come from a long line of women who firmly believed in “keeping it light” - at least on the outside.

They even had theme songs.

My Nanna would tap her fingers and sing “Bingle, bangle, bungle, we’re so happy in the jungle.” (This one was especially useful when my sister and I were fighting.)

My Mom was a fan of “Don’t Worry Be Happy” and tended to give me her best Bobby McFerrin whenever my teenaged angst hit fever pitch.

Of course, they drove me nuts at the time. I wanted permission to have my rage and my despair.

Both of them are gone now, but I know they would have tried to meet this pandemic with outward optimism. They would have tried to keep everyone cheerful - even if they were anxious as all hell on the inside.

Today, I’m putting the finishing touches on the material I’ll offer up during my virtual book launch on March 28.

I’m thinking of my Mom and Nanna as I plan an event called Sovereignty When the World Is In Knots: Personal Power & Collective Magic In a Time of Uncertainty.

It’s happening on a Saturday night in the midst of one of the toughest periods in living memory. With all the worry and the weight, shouldn’t I focus on keeping things fun and light?

Well yes, and…

And I also need to focus on keeping it REAL.

I want to create an online space for people that acknowledges the desire for some ease in the midst of the stress, but also give everyone a chance to look at what’s underneath. (If there’s one gift I wish I could give to the women who raised me it would be the permission to explore the whole spectrum of feelings.)

This is just one more way to walk the talk and live the book.

The kind of magic I talk about in The Sovereignty Knot isn’t about escaping reality or creating your own reality. Instead, it’s about seeing the world as it is and recognizing that you have the power to respond.

When we gather for some storytelling, meditation, and conversation, there’s going to be room for all the real feelings, from the longing for light to the truth of the shadow.

We’ll find room for big grins and deep sighs as we explore how the archetypes of Sovereignty - the Princess, Queen, and Wise Woman - can help us navigate the inner world and the outer world.

Will you join us? Will you invite your friends to join us for an evening that promises to help you find your way through the light and the shade?

Come as you are, wearing your jammies and sipping your favorite beverage. Don’t worry, Netflix will be there when you get back, but you may find you prefer to curl up with a good book when you’re done.

How to Access Your Inner Sisterhood of Sovereignty

At this moment, we need Sovereignty like we never have before

Set aside all those political connotations you may have for this word. 

Your Sovereignty is your sacred sense of self.

Your Sovereignty is your sense of agency and your ability to exert a healthy measure of control over your thoughts, your actions, and your destiny. Your Sovereignty is your inviolable right to physical, emotional, and spiritual freedom. 

Hmm… is it possible to feel “free” in a time like this, when state after state and country after country goes into lock down?

Yes. My vision of Sovereignty has never had anything to do with that so-called American ideal of “rugged individualism.”

Your Sovereignty is at the root of your commitment to the collective.

In The Sovereignty Knot: A Woman’s Way to Freedom, Power, Love, and Magic I write…

Sovereign isn’t a synonym for solitary. It’s got nothing to do with isolationism. Though Sovereignty does have everything to do with independence, it has just as much to do with interdependence, too. Sovereignty is about relationships. Just remember that personal Sovereignty is an inside job and your relationship with yourself comes first. Always. Everything they say about “put on your oxygen mask first” and “you can’t pour from an empty cup” is true. The Sovereign woman does not lose herself in servitude when she serves others. Neither does she seek to rule in order to amplify her own glory. She does not do this work to get drunk with power. The mark of a true Sovereign is what she does to maintain her own energy even as she pays it forward, passing on her gifts in order to empower others to set out on their own path to Sovereignty. 

And yes, Sovereignty is more important than ever in this moment when one-third of Americans and one-fifth of the global population has been asked (or ordered) to stay home.

By submitting to the “control” of the state, and choosing to limit your own movements, you are embodying Sovereignty in a profound, necessary way.  You are using your power to root into where you are, supporting your community’s physical well-being in the only way you can if you’re not a first responder.

And what about your own well-being during this time of pandemic and isolation? How do you stay sane, strong, and focused in a time like this? How do you connect to those visions and ideals that were so important to you before so much of the world closed down?

(Because even though nothing will ever be the same, your dedication to bring more beauty and healing to this world remains unchanged.)

You commit to your own Sovereignty like you never have before.

You look to the Sisterhood of Sovereignty that always thrives within you.

In my book, The Sovereignty Knot, we “do” Sovereignty by understanding that we have the power to be the three archetypes of Sovereignty - the princess, the queen, and the wise woman. No matter how old you are, or how much you have achieved, you have all three of these forces within you. 

As I developed my ideas, I saw these parts of the self as part of a continuum, like the points of a trinity knot. These energies were present throughout my life and were part of my everyday. I grew to recognize when I was really embodying one energy or another or when I was unable to access the optimism of the princess, the power of the queen, or the peace of the wise woman.

In conversation with readers, especially during my visit to Michal Spiegelman’s Beacons of Change Community, it became clear that women saw the princess, queen, and wise woman as a Sovereignty Sisterhood.

And now, as we’re separated from our real-life sisters and the women who are like sisters who make up our lives - in the office, at the yoga studio, at school pick up - we look to this internal sisterhood to see us through…

The Sovereignty Sisterhood In the Face of Crisis

Three weeks ago when this Coronavirus was an abstract fear, I offered ideas about how to use the archetypes of Sovereignty to stand strong against the waves of fear that were washing against our shores.

Now that we’re in the midst of social distancing (with so much social media to fill in the gaps), we need to see the archetypes of Sovereignty in relationship to this changing landscape - both across our world and inside our own hearts.

The princess is hope. She is innovation.

The princess energy thrives in those who will come up with novel solutions to the shortages of medical equipment or disruptions in the food supply.

You are moving forward with your princess when you find new ways to serve and keep your business afloat in this economic crisis. Call on her to keep making beautiful things and moments despite the gloomy, discombobulated atmosphere.

The queen is leadership. She is managing the crisis.

The queen energy thrives in those who take to the podium and offer humility and useful information, even when so many of the details are still unclear.

You are leading with your queen when you get the supplies your family needs (but no more). Call on her as you you create a daily routine that sustains your household - at the body, heart, mind, and soul level.

The wise woman is calm. She is equilibrium.

The wise woman energy thrives in those who speak truth and offer counsel that rises above the noise.

You are emerging with your wise woman when you pause before you speak, even when you have cabin fever. Call on her as you you prioritize your own inner peace over obsessively listening to the latest news report or chilling statistic.

Let’s Make Sovereignty Real

Join me for a deep dive into the Sovereignty Sisterhood on Saturday, March 28 at 7 PM on Zoom.

This date was supposed to be the night of my first big book event in my hometown, but like everything else, that’s been postponed for the duration. And so, I get to invite the whole world to join me!

I’ll share some stories from the book help you embody your own archetypes of Sovereignty in this tangled time. I’ll be signing books and will ship them right out to you.

Be a Swan: How to Float & Fly When the World Turns Upside Down

This year, the Equinox has come earlier than it has in memory. It’s as if Mother Earth is doing all she can to remind us to take heart and remember that new beginnings are as natural as the tilting of the earth.

That’s wonderful, but it’s hard to really appreciate it when the whole world seems to be turned upside down.

Yesterday, I said a prayer for spring renewal as I wiped down an egg carton with diluted Mr. Clean. I found myself simultaneously wondering if I was insane to take such precautions and if a wet rag could possibly be enough to protect my family.

(What I’ve learned: you can get used to almost everything. That’s terrifying, in a way, but it’s also a source of comfort. As hellacious as it was to consider whether my kids could get sick from touching a cereal box, it won’t be nearly as strange or traumatic to do a prophylactic cleanse on the next round of groceries.)

It seems like a far, far cry from the first Spring Equinox ritual I remember… Exactly 20 years ago I huddled in the dark by the River Corrib with a handful of American sisters. We sang and chanted together, setting intentions and asking for blessings from whatever Celtic goddesses blessed that that fast-flowing Irish river.

Yesterday, I marked the arrival of spring by supervising my daughters’ cookie decorating project. I made soup. I dusted obscure parts of my house. I worked on a beloved client’s book.

And when I couldn’t keep up the smiling and the productivity, I went down to the basement treadmill to re-watch the first episode of Outlander. I marveled at how that cluttered storage space could all look so normal and the show could be so comfortingly familiar when everything above ground was so bizarre.

This was the first day I gave myself permission not to keep up appearances online. It was the first day I didn’t try to be insightful and inspirational to anyone except the people who depend on me directly.

If there’s anything I have learned in the week or so since this whole Covid-19 phenomenon became real here in upstate New York (besides how to efficiently disinfect bunches of bananas), it’s that we need to show up and we need to drop out from time to time.

Time is slipping faster than the waters in that distant river in its constant flow through Galway Bay and onto the Atlantic Ocean. As much as I’m an ocean girl with saltwater in my veins, we human souls are made of more than the element of water. We are more than a collection of slippery molecules with little to say about our speed or direction.

Instead, we need to be like the countless swans that live on the Corrib.

Yes, they move with the water, letting themselves get carried by the relentless current. But they also have the power to return to their nests to rest. And, of course, they never forget they can fly.

Those of us experiencing the extreme and beautiful luxury that allows us to write and read blog posts during a time of global catastrophe, those of us who have houses with hidden corners in need of cleaning, we are blessed to use home as place of rest and refuge.

We can use this security (and even this boredom and worry) and translate it into the strength and clarity we need to lead on the other side of all this social distancing.

And that ability to fly, that ability to use imagination, vision, and a faith in something greater than this present day calamity… it’s available to all of us if we can tune into our personal, creative, and spiritual Sovereignty.

This week’s Sovereign Standard puts an emphasis on just a few of the countless free and low-fee online events on offer right now…

Sovereignty Knot Online Book Events

My first big book event was supposed to happen at my favorite yoga studio in New Paltz on Saturday, March 28. There are four huge cartons of books in my front hallway, still sealed up and waiting to make their way to the hands of readers.

Clearly, it’s time to stop mourning these live events, put a little energy into imagining life on the other side of social distancing, and put even more energy into how to make these events happen in the virtual world.

On Thursday, March 26 at NOON ET I’ll be going live on Facebook to read a little from the book, talk about why Sovereignty is so important right now, and to give away a couple copies of the book.

And then, on Saturday, March 28 at 7 PM ET I’ll be offering a modified-for-the-times version of The Sovereignty Knot Performance and Celebration on Zoom.

Colleagues’ Online Events

So many of my remarkable colleagues are offering free online writing sessions and presentations for creatives and entrepreneurs trying to navigate this strange and difficult period.

Saundra Goldman is hosting a writing practice session on Sunday, 3/22. Find details at Write the Wise Way Home.

Jeffrey Davis is welcoming entrepreneurs and creatives to gather for How to Keep Creative Momentum in Times of Crisis: A Tracking Wonder Webinar on Monday, 3/23 at 3 PM ET.

Suzi Banks Baum will offer one of her Power Keg Sessions at 11 AM EST on Wednesday, 3/25.

Sara Eisenberg is holding space for Come As You Are: Take Refuge in Good Company at noon EST on Wednesday, 3/25.

Good Listens

The audiobook version of Eleanor Oliphant Is Completely Fine has been a wonderful alternative to listening to press conferences this week. I am deeply grateful to Diane Heart, my favorite Cape Cod potter, for recommending it.

And, I need to express my thanks to our public library system for keeping the entire family going with their digital offerings. Have your kids spent time with Neil Patrick Harris and his Magic Misfits book series? We’re listening to one and reading another aloud right now…