When You Wish Upon Someone Else’s Marketing Star

Nine ways some marketing stars* are like Disney princesses

1. They promise that every dream comes true.
2. They’re dead sexy (or at least their message is).
3. They may try to convince you that getting noticed by the right people is as easy as wishing on a star.
4. They make you long for a world that's more like theirs - even though you don't actually want that glitzy lifestyle.
5. They draw you in with promises (like simple success formulas and glass slippers) that seem empty or impossible.
6. It’s hard to get their slick, auto-tuned messages out of your head.
7. They suggest that everything outside their glittering walls of pomp and hype is a little scary and messy.
8. Finally, when you refuse their manufactured dreams, you have a hangover from the processed perfection.
9. When you see them for what they really are, you're deeply, deeply grateful to be free of their version of reality.

* Some, not all, of the big name marketing minds, mind you. You know the type... the ones who use the equivalent of internet megaphones to offer quick fixes and fairy tale results.

But, even when you tune in to the ethical, well-meaning purveyors of marketing advice, you have to be sure you stay true to your own goals and story.

That One Night I Banished Anna and Elsa

The kids and I been stuck inside for four days thanks to icy rain. Husband had the stomach flu and went to bed the second he got home for work. I was just getting over the same bug and wanted to hide under the covers too. This was not going to be a good night.

I was attempting something more virtuous than frozen pizza for dinner. “Let It Go” was on Pandora again. My kindergartener told me she was Princess Elsa and I was Princess Anna and the baby could not play. "Now, Mummy, first you say..."

And I snapped.

“Enough! Disney has colonized your imagination and stolen all your stories!” (Yes, I really do talk to my child that way. Yes, she does occasionally stop me by declaring “Mom, you said too many words again.”)

“I’m the Queen around here," I declared, "and I banish all Disney princesses from this house tonight. I will be anyone you want me to be, but no Anna and no Elsa and nobody else from the movies in the cabinet!”

Let me be clear: there’s nobody to blame for the Disney contagion but us. My husband and I either bought the DVDs or allowed them to pass through the gates. Some were soundly rejected after one viewing (don’t get me started on Peter Pan). We found enough value - or enough banality - in the others to turn a blind eye to what princess worship might be teaching our girl.

Though our daughter only sees about two movies a month, they’ve each made their impression. It seems that even limited exposure to the Disney code is enough to alter a child’s inner landscape. She has been programmed by their predictable plots and stock characters and endless rules of engagement, all inspired by that Magic Kingdom we swear we'll never take her to.

That night, I broke the pink sparkly spell. I made my decree. And something magical happened.

The kitchen danced with the grace of the Fairy Dainty Queen, baby god Moira, and a house pixie who cleaned up every game and art supply (without being asked!). I was Queen Audre and little sister was the princess Leatrix. There were costume changes and dance breaks and dragons on the loose. A healthy dinner was cooked, no tears were shed, and I had the most remarkable evening of motherhood - ever.

We were free to find each other in our own stories. No one bashed her head against against the way it “should” be. There were no clashes in this truly creative play.

Maybe I’m confusing correlation with causation, but you miss the magic when you try to analyze things like that. I had the time of my life when my daughter took the reins of her own authentic story. I was my own queen in her private tale, not a co-opted corporate drone. It felt damn good. It felt like Sovereign Reality.

The one size fits all advice that has drowned out your story

So, who has co-opted your entrepreneurial imagination? Who has defined success for you and offered you a guaranteed process for fame and fortune? Who has lured you to join their list with the promise they’d reveal the secret breakthrough solution for your business growth blues?

Maybe you can’t even name names since they all blur together into a massive “them” that seems to ooze a confidence and success that you find both intoxicating and disconcerting.

Out of all the business gurus out there, it’s the content marketing experts who offer “the easy way to deliver that amazing content to keep your customers coming back for more” who really get to me. They’re the most bothersome and beguiling to the potential writers I care about most.

The “create epic content!” contingent tends to get inside the heads of people with important, nuanced stories to tell. These stories from the soul can’t instantly be cut into blog sized pieces and served up in epically engaging portions. These stories can and should grace social media and the blogosphere, and they can be used to build a business, but there’s deeper discovery work to do before one can churn out a thousand words and hit “publish.”

It’s true that content creation is important. People are drawn to you when you showcase your expertise and tell powerful stories that inspire, educate, and entertain. But when you try to push content into the world before it’s ready according to someone else’s method, you’re destined for disappointment.

In fairness, these big marketing names do have some really great insights into how to gain attention and sell product. They can even tell you about what sort of stories are most likely to engage a prospect and how to follow through to create a long term relationship with a customer.

But there are important aspects of the creative, visionary entrepreneur’s story that get lost in the big, slick presentation.

• How can you “create epic content” before  you truly know your own story and why it’s of significance to the work you’re doing for the world?
• How can you follow someone else’s one size fits all blueprint when you’re dedicated to creating something that has never been seen before?
• How can you find your own true, singular voice when you’re trying to sing along to the tune of the guy with the most newsletter subscribers?

What’s possible for you when you refuse to heed the message that appeals to the masses?

Small business owners and solo entrepreneurs are like today’s busy parents: so well-meaning yet so overextended. Both are vulnerable to solutions that promise “don’t try so hard, it can be so fun and simple!”

Disney is as much a part of childhood as bedwetting and mac n’ cheese. It’s so ubiquitous, we rarely stop to evaluate its quality or its values. Even if you’re like my husband and me, it’s easier to ignore the reservations and go with the flow since it could be so much worse. And really, you’re too overwhelmed with everything else to fight the Mouse and his begowned henchwomen.

And those experts’ recommendations (that occasionally sound like commandments) about how to be a Pinterest rockstar and a Facebook badass and a content marketing machine… They seem like they’re an unquestionable part of running a successful online business too.

Make sure you stand out, they say, but conform to these basic rules.

It doesn’t have to be that way.

“We can use their ideas, but Disney isn’t in charge of how we play and the stories we tell.”

That’s what I told my daughter just this morning when she wondered whether it was okay that she used a brown crayon to color “Coronation Elsa.”

So, how can you look at all you’ve heard from the hectic world of “do this” “don’t do that” marketing and shape these ideas to serve your own narrative? How can you say “thanks but no thanks” to the glass slipper that may fit for the night but will end up causing you to trip and break your neck?

For more insights into how to plot your own business destiny subscribe to The Sovereign Standard, the weekly publication for entrepreneurs seeking to share their message, create a livelihood, and enjoy some everyday creative magic.

How a 365 photo project makes you a better writer

The more pictures you take, the better writer you’ll become. Yeah, right, you say. Writing makes you a better writer, not messing around with photo filters and getting lost in the endless Instagram dinner plate captures.

From more than a year’s experience of daily shooting and posting, I can promise you that the process really does take you closer to your writing goals - especially when it comes to writing for the digital universe.

Five Things Writers Gain From a 365 Photo Project

• Discipline: In order to become the sort of writer you want to be you need to practice. Once you establish that you can do something every day, like taking a picture and sharing it to social media, you prove to yourself that you can do anything - including writing every day.
• Visibility: Being a writer isn’t just about writing - at least not if you want people to read your stuff. Daily images boost your overall online profile, even if they aren’t each perfectly aligned with the work you ultimately wish to promote. In 2014, I participated in the #365feministselfie project. Did all those pictures of my kids and me tell you about what I can do as an author and a writing coach? No, but they told you a lot about me and that’s what will really help potential clients pick me and future readers get excited about my books.
• Brevity: Photo projects aren’t just about the visual. The picture is worth a thousand words, of course, but the words you use to introduce and contextualize the image still matter. One of the most important skills for online writing is the ability to be engaging and yet concise. When you're limited  by what your thumbs can comfortably tap into your phone and you know shouldn’t say more than your distracted viewers will take in, you learn the skill of the the short and sweet. (Full disclosure: I have trouble with this and often write wicked long captions because they're still quicker than a blog post!)
• Outliers: To paraphrase Alice in Wonderland, you’ve surely imagined six visionary creative projects before breakfast, but they’re all outlier ideas you have to dismiss. They're “distractions” from your “real” project. What if your daily photo snap could be a five minute journey into those excess ideas? Your satisfying the muse and you're cataloging those ideas for later.
• Play: Though defined as “pleasurable and apparently purposeless activity," we know that play is so much more than that. It is what keeps us vibrant, engaged, and flexible on every level. You’re not a photographer. Your pictures will only occasionally be brilliant. Allow that and find delight as you mess around with something you don’t have to be good at.

Is there a downside to devoting a few minutes a day to a 365 project?

I'm an unabashed #365project devotee and I can't imagine I'll ever quit, the practice has so many benefits. If I stretch, I can find one downside though...

I take pictures to illustrate the story going on in my head, whether its actually from a piece of fiction I’m working on or part of my professional or personal story.

My images likely suffer since I’m grabbing the phone to snap a pic to explain a work in progress rather than seeing the magic of the moment or object itself. Taken out of context, the picture may not be all that meaningful to your audience (and you’re practicing brevity in those captions and don’t want to write a novel about each pic).

But that is the joy of a 365 project - you always have a chance to make a distinctive piece of art tomorrow! And again, simply showing up every day and creating a 365 piece puzzle has a magic of its own for your visibility. Every puzzle piece isn't meant to stand alone.

But really, should you just do a #Write365 project?

Yes, you could always do a 365 writing project… It would help you build discipline and visibility and maybe brevity, but there’s a great chance you’ll lose out on the play and the chance to explore those outlier ideas.

My project for the year is called #365SovereignReality. Follow me on Instagram or Google+ for a window into my 2015 as I discover what it means to “become sovereign in my own reality.”

5 Epiphanies for a Writer Frustrated By Blogging

Tell me, do you reach a point in life when you’re no longer embarrassed by what you did five years ago? It would be nice to imagine that someday you won’t blush at the thought of what you wore, what you watched, or what you blogged about.

The fashion and entertainment industries exist because they’ve convinced us that new is always better. And the internet is in the thick of its own maturation process, which means time is constantly sped up.

We're practically compelled to reinvent ourselves every few years - and feel a little sheepish about what we offered up as our most stylish look or most polished work just half a decade before.

My writing from five years ago makes me squirm.

The Story of a Young Blogger

Between 2007 and early 2010 I blogged in fits and starts. The Girl Who Cried Epiphany was the perfect description for a woman who bounced from one “ah ha” moment to the next, giddy with each new idea and almost sure no one had ever looked at things quite the way she did.

I began as a writer on a spiritual quest and was eventually a new mother seeking to escape the 9-5. I loved my baby, Byzantine sentences, obscure Irish poets, and trying on different faiths, and I wanted everyone to know about because… well, because!

So many words, so many assertions, so much earnestness shared on a site that didn’t include my real name or my picture.

I wasn’t exactly sure what I was doing, but  I was terribly serious about it. Eventually, I just knew I’d be recognized for being smart and nice and worthy of praise.

But I was so frustrated that the more I cared about the blog and the process, the less my tiny audience seemed to care.

They Call that a “Hobby Blog,” Friend

If anyone had dared dismissed my nightly writing sessions as a mere hobby I would have been mortified. A hobby involves macrame or painting model airplanes in the basement! This was my art and my soul. It was my own super important journey - and doing it publicly was part of my dream of changing the world.

Fast forward to 2015. I’m more likely to get blogging inspiration from the likes of Jon Morrow (the Boost Blog Traffic guy) rather than Thomas Merton (the contemplative monk.)

Morrow compares serious bloggers to hobby bloggers I know what he means because clearly I used to be one of the latter.

But, there’s also so much to learn from that hopeful twenty-something who was so dedicated to self-discovery (and to writing sentences that stretched on for four or more lines).

5 Epiphanies that Could Transform the Wannabe Thought Leader  

We’ve all asked this question: if I knew back then what I know now, where would I be? Pointless navel gazing, but these five recommendations could help rescue a could-be serious blogger from the hobby zone today.

Have a goal. Yes, we write to discover who we are and what we think. When you begin writing you likely won’t even know how to articulate your big goals.  That’s why you’re writing! Start by acknowledging that you want your blog to take you somewhere and write in that direction each day. “Draft to discover” - Jeffrey Davis’s gift of a term - is an essential part of the writing process and the thinking process. My old Wordpress blog was a draft to discover laboratory - or it could have been. But that sort of meandering public self-discovery project is not nearly enough to consistently impact readers’ lives.

Tell captivating, elevating stories. That’s what brings in readers and keeps them. Those stories aren’t accidents that spring from your stream of consciousness post of the day. After “Draft to discover” Jeffrey Davis invites the creative to “craft to design.” That means you’re revising and honing your message, but not because you seek perfection. You do it because you seek connection.

It’s not about you. “Make the buyer the hero” is a concept that Chris Brogan has written about a lot. Even if you’re not trying to sell anyone on anything other than you own credibility, this still applies. As a blogger it’s up to you to invite readers into the narrative. Even if the story is ostensibly about you, allow them to see themselves in the story you tell (come on, I know you’re thinking about what you might have posted online back in 2008).

Know the value of attention. The attention of an audience is a privilege that you earn. It almost always takes a long time to garner the sort of attention that will sustain you over the long haul. You don’t deserve acclaim just because you’re a wonderful person with lots of ideas. If that were the case, you and I would be famous and my spell checker wouldn’t know the word “Kardashian.”

Remember where you’re writing. This is this internet. It is not a book, it is not a term paper or your thesis, and it is not a professional document. Don’t sacrifice your voice to imitate how they write on People.com or even Copyblogger, but remember that people are reading your work on an iPhone, not from a leather bound volume. Work with their splintered modern attention spans - at least a little bit.

How to Do Self-Discovery… Differently

Maybe it sounds like I’m being a little hard on the quest for self-knowledge and dismissing it as so five years ago. That isn’t my intention. After all, I offer something called the Message Discovery & Development Process.

I believe in the discovery process with every fiber of my creative entrepreneurial being, but I only arrived there after I worked through a ton of resistance.

As soon as I started my own business I dismissed the discovery process as a luxury and only made time for it when I hit a total dead end (I’ve made several professional wrong turns that make me blush more than my old blog ever could). Completely swept up with doing, I was frantically following “expert” advice and trying to mimic others’ success.

Now, I’m dedicated to shaving years off your business message discovery process.

Yes, keep writing and keep searching and keep being vulnerable and allowing yourself to get it wrong. But don’t just free write on your blog, praying for the next epiphany to strike and catapult you to the fame you deserve.

There’s more to this process of discovery and to this sort of public writing. The world you want to change needs you to do it differently.

Let's talk about how I can help you discover your message and put out a message you'll be proud of in 2020 and beyond.

PS: It's the Feast of the Epiphany. Feast your eyes on Marisa-in-progress with a couple January 6th posts from 2008 and 2010. Sweet and spirited, but most likely under the heading of "what not to do."

A Working Definition of #365SovereignReality

Sovereign Reality is the power of life and love. - Moira, age 5

It’s New Year’s Day. We’re all together and being cheered by the constant buzz of the crowd (countless college bowl games to watch, of course). Our friends cancelled their visit, so suddenly I have time to figure out how this #365SovereignReality project will actually take shape.

Fresh off 2014’s #365FeministSelfie project, I’ve dropped many hints about what’s next. I’ve been enamored with the phrase Sovereign Reality for a while because I've known it's more just than my novels in progress. It’s the Bigger Story I must tell.

I haven’t been sure what a 365 project bearing this name would actually look like, but I knew it was exactly what I had to do. Not necessarily a selfie or even a photo each day, but something. #365SovereignReality is an exploration of the concept that has found its way to the core of my life.

The pen is always the surest guide

I pulled out the art supplies because I had a vision. Though I'd been distracted from Jeffrey Davis’s December-long community project, #Quest2015 and preoccupied with the launch of this new website, the Quest prompts that I missed were clearly lodged like stones in my shoes. I could try to walk them off, clearly I'll have to stop the trudge into the new year and take the time to answer each one.

Today I would respond to Sunni Brown is leader of The Doodle Revolution who asks:

How could you make moments of joy a sacred priority in 2015? What forms will such moments take? Doodle, draw, photograph, or write your way into these questions and share your responses.

The champagne was poured into an elegant flute. The flower arrangement from my mentor and healing teacher was place on the Italian tiled table. The Crayola markers and the styrofoam crown and the teething toys weren’t actually gone, but they were outside the camera frame.

I was going to make art and write my way to clarity!

The first attempt, boldly scrawled across the first pages of beloved journal I'd used for half my life (inserting a new sketch book each year or so) was just awful. Not to be deterred, I decided to pull out a special journal I’d been saving for... something. This fresh start would alert the muse that it was time to start manifesting Sovereign Reality on the page.

I'm off to a great start, but then, of course, the baby wakes up. I leave my five year old at the table, her own art supplies mixing with mine.

Some time later, I emerge from the bedroom - feeling victorious that baby girl was asleep again and the magical nectar of the goddess that I happen to make on demand had worked its magic and bought me more doodling time. Husband stops me at the door with “I have to tell you something, but you can’t freak out.”

Because the ideal always has to give way to reality

Visions of a kindergartener at a table full of paint and ink and bubbly alcohol… What had happened to my journal? That still-beautiful book that my folks gave me for high school graduation, that had crisscrossed Europe without ever getting soaked in beer, and that was still my constant companion?

Turns out, she’d written my name across my second, much more successful attempt at creating a Day One worthy #365SovereignReality image.

I’ve been hoping that this yearlong exploration of Sovereign Reality would come with its own measure of grace. So far, I haven’t been disappointed. I calmly asked daughter to make sure she asked before she signed other people’s art work and then turned to husband, “This project is about reality… what’s more real than this?”

Back to drawing side-by-side, Moira was earnestly copying what I’d written. S-o-v… I asked her what she thought it meant. After several minutes, she spoke with quiet assurance as she continued to shape each careful letter:

“Sovereign Reality is the power of life and love.

I could quit this whole project now, satisfied with that answer. Of course, I'll continue throughout 2015 anyway. I will follow my daughter's lead and seek power, life, and love throughout this quest for moments that embody Sovereign Reality.

So, my friend, happy new year. I’d love to have you with me for this new journey. Find me at Google+, over on Facebook, or at Instagram.

A 365 Project that Inspires You to Love the Life You Live

What’s one thing you absolutely do every single day? If you’re like most people, the answer is “brush my teeth.”

But then, there’s a tribe of people that smiles when they answer that question - and not just because they have nice, clean pearly whites. I know this smile because I wear it too. I can’t help but grin because I love my answer and I love my daily, without-fail habit.

A 365 project.

Every day of 2014 I took a picture of myself with my iPhone, used one of several fun apps to slap “#365feministselfie” onto the image, and shared it to Instagram, Facebook, and Google+. What may seem like just another act of social media fueled narcissism was actually an important self-care practice, a visibility strategy, and an opportunity to see yourself and the world in a whole new way.

The Selfie Isn’t All About Self Obsession

Veronica Arreola of the blog Viva La Feminista launched #365feministselfie at the start of 2014 for a number of great reasons including, “I do not see myself represented in the media, so I’m making my own!”

Last January I felt lost behind an eight months along baby bump. I didn’t have the time or the energy to do much for myself besides take vitamins and read novels, but I did have it in me to pull out my phone and snap a picture.

North American was lost in the Polar Vortex and my pregnant woman’s glow was hidden behind sweaters and scarves and the sheer exhaustion of running a business and mothering a preschooler. Taking time from my day to witness the miracle of this body I’ve been blessed with was only going to happen if I was held accountable to some grander project that everyone could see.

I needed those selfies a year ago, and I need the daily ritual still.

How to succeed at your own yearlong project (whether it’s 365 or not)

Are you feeling the call of the 365 project this year?

Lately, I've become something of a 365 evangelist. Like any convert I was aglow with the wonders of my chosen elixir and was quite convinced that it could change everyone’s life for the better.

So, even as I talked about all the benefits from visibility to the mindful pauses to the historical record I’d created for my daughters, people were quick to offer their resistance. The biggest fears weren’t as much about commitment (though that’s a biggie for most people) as much as they were about concerns about creating decent content day in and day out.

With a selfie project you just need to be able to leave your vanity at the doorstep of the new year (unless you’re one of those people who manages to look gorgeous every day!). I could never get away from my #365feministselfie canvas, of course, though there were plenty of moments when I felt was too weary and pale to submit myself to the public eye. That’s the chance to get creative or get brave.... over the year I did a lot of both.

But what if you are creating a professional-themed project that requires more than ducklips or a quick snap with the cute baby in your lap?

One friend is an interior designer and she’s considering a project about color. Another local mom entrepreneur is thinking about how to turn her new concept in a daily project. They’re in love with the idea of bringing what they love to life every day, but how… They’re already dancing with overcommitment and they don’t need to spend any more time staring at their phones.

The answer is found in weekly rituals and daily serendipity. Make it a 52 project and commit to putting something out there on the same day each week - without fail.

Just as a life is the sum total of each breath, the weekly project is the sum of each day. You want to create content every day if you can because that makes the weekly posts into simple round ups.

Say you’re a clothing designer who wants to dive deep into the colors and textures of fabric that surround you. Here's a way to break down the steps and integrate this new project into your routine:

• Take at least three or four pictures each week that really speak to you and share them on Instagram.
• Curate one or two articles from around the web that expand your perspective and share them on Twitter.
• Write one or two brief but thoughtful Facebook or Google+ posts related to how you are seeing color and texture.
• Do all these small tasks while considering the end of the week post… How do these serendipitous discoveries contribute to the unique vision that your community loves you for? To create the weekly post you just need to pull all the pieces together, write a quick intro, and sum it all up with a good call to action.

Let's 365 together

In 2017, I'm introducing #365magicwords. Get the details and join me on Instagram!